"...No-holds-barred style" -- Los Angeles Times"Timeless. Hilarious. And mean. It's great!" -- E. Jean Carroll, ELLE Magazine
"... a winning mix of [Sex and the City's] Carrie Bradshaw and David Sedaris." -- Seattle Post-Intelligencer
My book Dating Amy has poignant romance, graphic sex and 50 wild adventures in dating. It will change life as you know it with brilliant insights on:
Dealbreakers in Dating - Some women consider smoking, drinking or children deal-breakers. They are likely to look at things like a man's income or education. Clearly those women have no imagination. I look at what films a man has seen, his views on Beatles music and which specific countries he has traveled to. Deal-breakers for me would include most Bruce Willis movies, only liking "Got to Get You into My Life" and considering Canada exotic.
Getting Asked out by Guys Who are Friends with Each Other - A woman knows she's supposed to choose the one she likes best and call him. That guy then immediately calls the one she didn't pick to say, "That woman we both met called me, we're going out Friday." I have seen this played out countless times with male friends, coworkers and roommates. It's part of the game and one of the things I love about men. If two women friends like the same man and he expresses an interest in both and then just calls one, the result is anything from a snorted, "You can have him," to catty remarks that circle back about three months later. Men know it's all a game, God bless them.
Why Men Should Play Hard-to-Get - It's like that movie The Tao of Steve, where the overweight slacker was scoring with every chick in town. He attributed his success with women to his philosophy: Be disinterested (women can smell it if you really want them), be excellent (do something great in her presence), be gone (disappear and she will seek you out). This really does work in real life. Or maybe I just have the romantic maturity of a 14-year-old.
Why People are Attracted to You When You're Already with Someone - Maybe it's because the pathetic stink of desperation is off you. Maybe it's because people just want what everyone else wants. Maybe it's that, as one of my friends argues, when you're having sex all the time it releases pheromones, the smell that attracts mates (granted, she's a sex addict and will use anything to justify it, but she may still be on to something). In any event, I see time and time again that it's easier to attract people when you're 1) already involved, 2) already having bunches-o'-sex or 3) already married, which, although it shows you're not afraid to commit, is just a bad situation for everyone if you really think about it.
The Porn Film Lord of the G-Strings - Even as I realized where some men get the idea to use way too much tongue and spend way too much time with breast fondling, I found myself really rooting for the usually topless heroine Dildo Saggins. We aren't so different, she and I. Bad animation segues, a horny, drunken wizard named Smirnoff, getting caught masturbating in a forest by a voyeuristic bands of men who are ripping off Monty Python... what woman hasn't been there?
All Men as Pervs - The difference between married bankers in Armani suits who don't look at women and drunk homeless guys on the street who blatantly gawk at them is only one of social boundaries. The crazier guys just openly express what every man is thinking. One has a million-dollar home, one has a heated sidewalk grate, but their feelings towards miniskirts are identical.
Giving in to Bad Boys - All those respectable dates and meals and gifts from other men and my sexual resolve crumbled like an almond cookie at a greasy Chinese place when Christmas Tree offered to come over and fix my stereo (which still makes that funny buzzing noise, by the way).
Guys Who "Break up" with a Woman after Only One Date - He assured me that it didn't take away from our night together, but that there was someone else. He was going to keep my number, but he didn't expect me to wait for him. Soldiers leaving their high-school sweethearts to go off to fight World War II were less dramatic. Why couldn't he just have disappeared like a normal guy? I don't need to be told, "It's not you, it's me," after one date.
The Illusions Married People Have about Their Dating Options - if you're taken, you're safe, so any commitment-phobic or sexually confused person you know will be drawn to you like a metal filing to a magnet. Most of the people you think are interested in you would in actuality run away like the knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail if they thought there was any chance at all of being with you.
Men & Women View Sex Differently - A guy was lamenting the lack of women who place ads looking for Casual Encounters. He said that a woman looking for no-strings sex is a hot commodity, while a man looking for the same is viewed as pathetic and horny. He then went on to argue that this imbalance gives women the upper hand in relationships.
A woman responded that for him to say that women have the upper hand because of the availability of something we don't want anyway is ludicrous. That it's like saying that men have the upper hand in looking for long-term emotional intimacy and commitment, no sex required.
The Perils of Dating Never-Married Men Over 35 - I'm just saying that generally it's the men who are the choosers and the women who are the chosen, so if a man has never been married by 35 -- late 30s tops and that's the highest I'll go, I mean it -- it says something about his desire to be coupled off. Sure, there could be extenuating circumstances like his fiancée died or left him. That's good news! Not for her if she died, obviously, but for you if you're dating him.
Third Date is the Sex Date - Not according to most of the guys who date me! But seriously, the fact that I can't get a consensus on this tells me that there is no rule. It's my personal belief that the people who have sex on the first date balance out the people who think they're going to hell if they have sex before marriage (and give in after like 10 dates) to create a third-date average for everyone.
Not Pursuing Men - I've been completely brainwashed and/or enlightened by dating books from the '90s and nature specials that the only way for mating to work is if the male pursues and the female is a receptive, yet constantly moving, target. I knew that if I wanted to see this guy again I would have to make the first call. I had an epiphany and realized that a truly worthwhile relationship starts with equals meeting each other halfway and not outmoded role-playing. Wait, that can't be right.
The Power of the Penis - Has there ever been an organ that is as credited with supernatural powers? In India they are viewed as sacred and allowed to wander the streets unattended. Or maybe that's cows. Or cats in Egypt. In any event, the penis is used as a catchall explanation by men for any number of bad behaviors and is conveniently the one excuse women cannot really prove is a lie. Not first-hand anyway. While the vagina just innocuously sits there in a sort of shrug with its hands open as if to say, "I don't know, whatever you want to do…" the penis is a divining rod for trouble: spending money one doesn't have, making promises one won't keep and seeking out other women's innocuous shrugs.
Not Calling Men - Some of the guys who read my Web site really had their man-skirts in a bunch over the fact that I didn't call the artist with the Harry Potter glasses that I had a good time with at the Irish bar. Apparently they were clinging to the shred of interest he showed when he said "call me." Those guys would not last as women for five minutes, because anything in reference to calling at the end of a date (especially "I'll call ya") has to be tuned out faster than a smooth-jazz station.
Why Women Like Rich Guys - Women do love wealthy men, but it's not because of their money. It's because of the qualities the men have that helped them get the money. For example, Bill Gates has smarts, Donald Trump has negotiating skills, mobster kingpins have lots of friends.
Sexual Bonding - It seems to affect women much more frequently than men, obviously. A woman can be tooling along, casually dating some guy, she's cool, maybe even a little aloof, nothing's a big deal, then… Bam! They start having sex and it's like someone turned on the faucet o' needy. Apparently orgasms release the chemical oxytocin -- the substance that bonds a mother to her child also bonds formerly sane women to musicians and bikers.
Opportunistic Hippie Syndrome - Some men I used to hang out with were afflicted with it. We would be at a party and they would suggest that everyone get out of their clothes and into the hot tub, arguing that it was in the spirit of friendship and no judgment, "you know, like in the '60s."
The conversation Monday morning would be as follows:
Guy #1: I feel like I miss out because I can't wear my glasses into the hot tub.
Guy #2: You didn't miss anything, the really good-looking girls all kept their clothes on again.
myspace.com/datingamy