Q: Do the guys you write about know you're writing about them?
A: The men I date are all extremely bright and are certainly smart enough to realize the spirit of light-hearted good fun that permeates the entire site. In fact permeates my whole personality and everyone around me when I am present. It's a virtual love fest! I also leave off the really humiliating parts of the dates. You will not, for instance, read about fumbling sexual advances, grossly inappropriate comments and incidences of people forgetting to take their medication. And also... no. Many of them don't know.
Q: Are you one of those Internet panhandlers that was in the news about a year ago?
A: No. I refer to myself as an Internet street performer. I accept money if people like my writing, just like a guitar player who stands and sings in front of you on the subway so you give him a dollar to finally go away -- perhaps you feel guilty or he has poor hygiene -- but without the luxury of being able to make eye contact with you to make you feel bad for giving me nothing. As you can see, it's much classier and more sophisticated than being an Internet panhandler. I do accept handouts from total strangers through PayPal, though. I mean, I don't want to be so sophisticated that I put people off or anything.
Q: Why have you only been on (insert XX amount that is apparently not enough) of dates? When I was in my 20s I dated much more than you do… sometimes four or five men a week.
A: Not sure if snorting lines of coke off the belly of a stranger in the coat check of a disco while Donna Summer moans "Love To Love You, Baby" in the background constitutes a date? Look, I'm picky. I turn some men down. I'm not in a hurry and I don't ask men out, okay? Sheesh.
Q: Since you can't find a writing job, why don't you just get a job in a different field?
A: Good question. Well, at first I was optimistic. I jauntilly set out and applied for writing and editing jobs. I rapidly downgraded my optimism and expanded my search to include administrative and restaurant work. Still no luck. I eventually ended up selling my optimism on eBay, for quite a bit less than I paid for it, and begging the GAP to let me stock their shelves. I expect to hear back from them soon.
Q: Will you send me nudie pics for $100?
A: No.
Q: $150?
A: No.
Questions I Can't Bring Myself To Answer:
Q: I take your web site very seriously and think it's a painstakingly accurate recounting of your love life, down to the exact quotations. I am a complete and total windbag and would like to blather on to you about your intimacy issues, which are surely only hinted at here. I've delineated my opinions on your psychological and emotional state in excruciating and mind-numbing detail. I am sending you some more of my thoughts in a letter that will take up approximately 100K of space in your inbox. What do you think of that?
Q: I noticed some statistical and factual errors on your site. What sort of a news magazine are you running here?
Q: I would like to date Amy, but I live in Chicago. Do you have others?
Q: Do you have any job openings in your marketing department?