From: Luc Anthrope
Date: June 10, 2004
Subject: Your not to stupid two date
Amy,
I have been meeting with a group lately to play a game called Werewolf. In this game two members of the group of people are randomly, secretly to be werewolves and attempt to exterminate, one-by-one, the villagers (the other players).
The game becomes a macro-game, and its children are social interactions. While one player is dominating the conversation, pleading a case, pointing a finger, another player will nod or wink or motion to you, catch your eye, and silently send you this message: "I'm safe, I'm one of you, we should team up."
I think you and I should team up. My teeth are for nibbling only, I promise.
Want to play? Of course, I'm proposing two very different games.
Luc
****
From: Amy
Date: July 24, 2004
Subject: Re: Your not to stupid two date
Are names of these games Has Anyone Seen Sarah Around Lately? and What's That Smell Coming From the Basement? I don't date guys from the site anymore, but thanks!
Amy
From: Carter
Date: June 25, 2004
Subject: your site
Amy,
You seem a little too preoccupied with whether a guy pays for things for you. ("I had to buy my own coffee... nay")
I'm in a better than average income bracket and I can smell the "its his job to pay" kind of women a mile away. Those, I run from or they become short term "sport fucks." Usually those women are the ones that show cleavage on a date yet complain to their friends that the guy actually looked. Not like you haven't checked out many of your 50 dates' crotches.
Carter
****
From: Amy
Date: July 2, 2004
Subject: Re: your site
I'm quite offended by your letter. I will have you know that I never check out the bulge in the front of my date's pants -- only the one in the back of his pants where his wallet is and I resent you implying otherwise. And "its" should have an apostrophe, but I'll let it slide since you said you're in a nice income bracket and therefore I don't want to alienate you completely.
Amy
From: Christian
Date: March 19, 2004
Subject: Book?
Hi Amy,
How are you? I just found (and read) your website, and have some questions of grave importance. When you date so much and tell others of your adventures, don't you start to feel like a certain character the Police sing about in "Roxanne"? (No offence, please) Now, seriously. I enjoyed your website. I found it as a link from www.ramonstoppelenburg.com. Have you considered writing a book, just like Ramon? If so, can we - the readers of your website - speculate about the possible title? If a book works out, you'll have something to sell and won't have to ask for donations anymore.
Best of luck,
Christian (The Netherlands)
****
From: Amy
Date: July 1, 2004
Subject: Re: Book?
Wow, that's a pretty disturbing comment to get from someone who lives near Amsterdam for God's sake. Thank you for claiming to read my site and then suggesting that I write a book as it only states on my home page that I am already writing one. Would one of your title speculations be Diary of a Character from the Song Roxanne (Hint: I Am Not Sting)?
Cheers!
Amy
From: BeerForSoldiers.com
Date: April 24, 2004
Subject: Amy!
US Infantry Soldiers fresh from Iraq now stationed in South Korea
****
From: Amy
Date: May 1, 2004
Subject: Re: Amy!
Thanks guys! This would probably be a good time to re-state my position -- and no, it is not lying flat on my back with a bored expression asking "Are you almost done down there?" it is that while I am not at all in favor of us being at war in the first place, I am supportive of the individuals who are sent to war. By George Bush. But I won't go there. Anymore in this sentence.
From: Bakavashmendra
Date: April 15, 2004
Subject: do u
hi I came to ur site by mistake, I am from Sri Lanka out of curiosity I am asking this question do u have sex with those u date
bye
****
From: Amy
Date: May 1, 2004
Subject: Re: do u
Well, "by mistake" is the best way to come to my web site and I'm also pleased to see that the popular ur spelling of your has caught on internationally. I have a whole section dedicated to my sex life. The Naughty Nightcaps page? It's pretty raunchy, actually. Oh, wait. You're in Sri Lanka. The FCC here has passed an information embargo on certain other countries, so you probably can't access it. Sorry!
Amy
From: John
Date: April 19, 2004
Subject: Notification of $100 Payment Received
Hi Amy,
I ran across your website today & I have to say that I'm impressed with your "take me as I am" style of writing. I like your "Questions I Can't Bring Myself To Answer" section the most, but everything else is almost equally fun to read. Please accept my small contribution as a reward for having to put up with all those idiotic emails that you've received. It seems like there are plenty of people trying to be funny who have nowhere near your writing ability. I'm looking forward to reading your book, and I hope that it's as humorously insightful as your website.
John
****
From: Amy
Date: April 22, 2004
Subject: Re: Notification of $100 Payment Received
Finally. A role model for the rest of my readers. I've been sensing that they were in need of leadership for quite some time. Someone to lead them to PayPal for instance. Someone to lead them to not asking for nude pictures. They are like a sensitive bunch of gazelles on an African plain, sniffing the wind and ever fearful of the threat of actually having to shell out a few dollars. You, John, are that lead gazelle… wait, do gazelles even have leaders? They always look so frantic and disorganized on the nature shows. Maybe my readers really are like gazelles. Maybe I'm like a gazelle. Anyway, thanks for the donation.
Amy
From: Lucky
Date: April 1, 2004
Subject: cowpoke
I wish you the best despite the derogatory placement of all idiots as wearing a western bonnet or living the life we enjoy "punchin cattle"
I was taught to write about what you know best and stay away from things you're "ignernt" in...(hint,hint,hint)
Anyway, I figure you're just a kid and will grow out of most of how wondrous and clever you are now in a few years
cowboy
****
From: Amy
Date: April 16, 2004
Subject: Re: cowpoke
I took me awhile to figure out what you were offended by. Then I realized it's because I say "Hold off there little cowpoke…" before I give my pre-email grammar lesson. Wow. I didn't mean to characterize cowpokes as ignorant, but I am definitely going to categorize them as overly sensitive from now on. Are you guys all this frail on the open range? So much for true grit. (Yes, I know. Another stereotype).
And no, I am not a kid but will hopefully maintain this astonishing level of wondrous clever until I become senile, after which time I will become a different kind of funny.
Sorry I hurt your feelings, Not-So-Rawhide!
Amy
From: Workhorse
Date: April 6, 2004
Subject: Radio, radio
Dear Amy,
I run a web site with a friend of mine. We actually got on the radio because a girlfriend of his called in when a sex therapist was on. She knew my friend would be listening so she asked for any tips on helping a man get a wider penis because her lover's (my friend's) was too narrow. It backfired a little when her family heard her on the radio and recognized her voice.
Even at 35 having your grandma call to check on your lover's girth is probably a little embarrassing.
****
From: Amy
Date: April 12, 2004
Subject: Re: Radio, radio
Wow. I can safely say I have nothing to add to that. Not even a couple of millimeters.
Thanks for your disturbing letter,
Amy
From: Paul@[actual military address]
Date: April 5, 2004
Subject: HEY SUP
THIS IS PAUL
IM A MARINE AND IM BORED AT TIMES SO IT'LL BE NICE TO TALK TO A NICE GIRL LIKE YOU.. WOULD YOU LIKE A PEN PAL?
MY HOBBIES ARE GOING OUT IN JAPAN.. SLEEPING OVERNIGHT AT OTHER MARINES BARRACKS..CHILLING AT THE BEACH.. GOING SCUBA DIVING..AND BUYING DRINKS FOR BUY ME DRINKY GIRLS..
LATER
****
From: Amy
Date: April 6, 2004
Subject: Re: HEY SUP
I don't know which is more unsettling: that fact that you classify sleeping over at other marines' barracks as a hobby or the thought that I may be a Buy Me Drinky Girl and just didn't realize it.
From: Ian
Date: March 5, 2004
Subject: Life is about Disappointment
Dear Amy,
What will happen when you complete your 50th date? (Maybe the clock will reset to zero? I hope so--yours is an adventure I wish would never end.)
Take care, and enjoy yourself!
A fan,
Ian
Honolulu, Hawaii
****
From: Amy
Date: March 7, 2004
Subject: Re: Life is about Disappointment
Hi Ian,
You're writing an email with the subject line "Life is about disappointment" and you live in Hawaii? I hope you're able to get out of bed in the morning due to what I'm sure is the crushing disappointment of having to live in a place that everyone else considers an exotic vacation paradise. And since you brought it up, Hawaii has a lot of nerve calling itself a state. A state is something that is surrounded by other states, not something surrounded by tropical blue water with good surfing. Idaho is a state; South Dakota is a state. Pineapple plantations and perfect snorkeling… you guys need more diners populated by fat truckers is what you need.
Suspiciously,
Amy
From: Philip
Date: February 13, 2004
Subject: none
Dear Amy,
I'm a 28 year old from the UK (I'm working on the principal that you can tell from my name I'm a guy!) Anyway, just wanted to say keep up the great work, I think it would be a travesty if you didn't get another job as a writer. I think if there were more women like you in the UK we'd rule the world again, only this time we'd do it properly!
Cheers,
P
****
From: Amy
Date: March 7, 2004
Subject: Re: none
Dear Philip,
More women like me in the UK. Hmmm. Well on the one hand your titty girls in the morning paper (I'm Mandi from Brighton. I enjoy my Poetry 101 class and showing my breasts to strangers!) would keep their tops on, but on the other hand Thatcher's reign would have been much less severe, so I guess it's a coin flip.
Cheers right back at ya,
Amy
From: eBay
Date: January 28, 2004
Subject: PI NOTICE: eBay Auction Ended by Customer Support - Prohibited Mature Items
Dear Dating Amy,
We regret to inform you that your eBay auction: #2982983280 Imaginary Hooters Ex-Girlfriend has been ended. All fees associated with this auction have been credited to your account.
At this time, eBay does not permit "imaginary boy/girl friends" to be listed if they have even the slightest implication of a sexual nature.
The following are prohibited on eBay, even in the Mature Audiences categories:
* chats, phone sex, webcams, more than 2 adult images per listing, including montage images, or any video clip of sexual activity
* Images portraying graphic sexual activity, including: images of people touching their own or another's genitals or anus, oral contact with breasts, oral-genital contact, close-up images depicting only genitalia, or any type of penetration
* Describing an item as extreme, hardcore, XX, or XXX, even if the item's title or a performer's name includes these phrases
* Amateur, "Hidden camera" or "Homemade" videos depicting sexual activity
* Titles or descriptions containing terms that imply any kind of graphic violence or bodily injury in a sexual setting or otherwise. Some examples of prohibited information would be reference to "BDSM" (S & M), "spanking", or "gangbang"
* Titles or descriptions containing terms referring to any bodily fluids, including slang terms
* Terms or descriptions implying underage performers including, but not limited to: child or children, teen, teens, or teenage, Lolita, and young girls/boys
* Any depiction of necrophilia, bestiality, incest, or rape
* Used underwear including, but not limited to: athletic supporters, boxer or jockey shorts, briefs, full-length panty hose, panties, and thongs
Regards,
eBay
****
From: Amy
Date: January 28, 2004
Subject: Re: PI NOTICE: eBay Auction Ended by Customer Support - Prohibited Mature Items
That scuttles next week's auction of the panties I wore while having sex with a pony and a relative on web cam. Hmph. Thanks for the heads-up that kiddie porn is against the rules at eBay, though. I just thought it was a felony.
Amy
From: Dan
Date: January 22, 2004
Subject: Your website
Hi Amy,
You have a really neat idea. I work in a 9-1-1 center and my co-workers and I are following your website. One co-worker said you have the potential to make a lot of money. You have to be really outgoing and have a great personality to do this. Lots of luck,
Dan :)
****
From: Amy
Date: January 22, 2003
Subject: Re: Your website
Hi Dan,
I'm glad you all have your priorities straight. Who cares about floods, fires, robberies in progress? We've got a woman going on dates here!
Amy
P.S. Can you give me your private extension so I don't have to be put on hold in case someone is breaking into my apartment and you guys are too busy giggling over my Let's Fun section to answer the phone? Thanks!
From: Andrew
Date: December 8, 2003
Subject: 2 hours…
... the time I've spent to read your website, johnny-five style, when I should be working. But it was worth it... I really appreciate your insightful date commentaries and journal entries. You write very well, and are very knowledgable of the dating world, even if you don't exactly understand it. I don't either, but I have definitely learned things from your observations...
Andrew
Sidenote: Honestly, how can you not like dark chocolate?
****
From: Amy
Date: December 27, 2003
Subject: Re: 2 hours…
Andrew!
I appreciate you calling me 'insightful' rather than 'inciteful' as so many do (which would really just imply that I'm going to start a riot or something). What is Johnny-five? I Googled it and it talked about Short Circuit. I think I once met the guy who played Johnny-five whoever/whatever the hell he/it is. (Lord, I miss L.A. where statements like that are actually considered relevant conversation.) Anyway, does the fact that dark chocolate is known as "bitter" say anything to you? For example: "Amy, I have a nephew I'd like to fix you up with. He's really BITTER." Versus, "Amy, I have a nephew who's sweet as milk chocolate with hair that falls in mouth-watering caramel-like waves."
I mean, which would you choose?
Amy
From: Mevano Febano
Date: December 15, 2003
Subject: erotic story to tell
hi, amy im 30 yrs old filipino, i hav 3 girl friends in one year and they are so very hot, we make love at their home while her parents are in the other room. it was exciting because we did it for a short period of time so that her parents will not cought us..
****
From: Amy
Date: December 21, 2003
Subject: Re: erotic story to tell
Mev,
This story has very different implications depending on whether you are virile enough to actually satisfy three women at once -- possibly sisters! -- or you were just with one woman and are a quick finisher. Please send me more information and we'll talk depending on your answer.
Yours (maybe),
Amy
From: Lionel
Date: December 13, 2003
Subject: Your ebay items
Amy,
I've done a few ebay seller forays and it always seems to take a lot more time than it should. I may have to go back to it though - I noticed the other day that Amazon listed me as owning like 600 items and now I find myself wondering if anyone could own 600 items without the 600 items owning them. I don't even want to think about the thousands of things I own that Amazon knows nothing about.
****
From: Amy
Date: December 17, 2003
Subject: Re: Your ebay items
Psst. Lionel,
Take it from someone who lives in Seattle where Amazon is headquartered. They know what you buy and how much you have. See those things above your desk at work that look like sprinklers? They're not. Email me at my private address: amy@[message truncated by address ending in amazon.com]
From: Klaus
Date: December 5, 2003
Subject: your job interview
I haven't had to look for a job in a while, but our HR group is, by far, the worst group to deal with in the company. Our HR Director is a 40ish woman who insists on wearing Ally McBeal skirts. I'm not opposed to an older woman who looks good doing that, but I do think she ought to have more sense than to flash people panty shots during meetings (no, I'm not kidding - the only thing we don't know is if it's intentional). They had a seminar on workplace sensitivity and one of the questions was "Is it okay to hug at work?". The leader of the class I was in was from HR and with her guidance we came to the conclusion that it was. I complained that I never considered it appropriate to hug or be hugged by a coworker and they told me it was my responsibility to tell people not to hug me. I've done that (I worked with a hugger for a while here) and it doesn't work out well - people who like to hug assume if you don't want a hug you don't like them. So anyhow, there's two stories about why most HR people are morons.
****
From: Amy
Date: December 11, 2003
Subject: Re: your job interview
Klaus!
Thank you for reminding me why it's not the end of the world to not have a job. How does your company feel about co-workers boinking? Is it a) less appropriate b) more appropriate or c) the same as hugging at work? Do you have to send out a memo saying you don't care to hug or is a verbal rebuke enough? Please write back.
Amy
From: Katrina
Date: October 3, 2003
Subject: read me!!
Hi...i was just watching the news and I am quite intrigue with this site. sorry but guys who are smart enough would not even spend a minute with you... and besides you don't look like barbie who has everything...
****
From: Amy
Date: October 27, 2003
Subject: Re: read me!!
I think I'm exactly like Barbie. I'm: Amy from DatingAmy.com! Comes with five pair of flip flops, an increasing amount of credit-card debt and a vague yet palpable sense of dissatisfaction. 50 dates sold separately.
From: Marco
Date: October 13, 2003
Subject: Nice Work!
I know you get hundreds of E-Mails a Day From Silly Horney Men ... Well being Horney really screws up a persons ability to focus and get to know the other person ! I like what is between your Ears ! Send me some photos... Tastefull nudes are pretty nice ... And to be brutally honest I prefer the tastefull stuff ... If you dont think I am not a Total Moron Write back ! Take Care ...
Marco
****
From: Amy
Date: October 27, 2003
Subject: Re: Nice Work!
I'm sending you a tasteful, nude photo of what's between my ears, Marco. It's a bawdy little picture of my forehead with no hat! Woo. I appreciate your brutal honesty and I assure you that I don't think you're not a total moron.
Amy
From: Scotty
Date: October 7, 2003
Subject: New website
I know you are a big Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fan. I am starting a web site to spread the word on the plague that is Grampa Joe in hopes that the new Wonka movie will make his villainy even more overt. Here are some of my complaints: Grampa Joe is lying in bed for twenty years without a job, then suddenly he's up singing and dancing. I won't even go into the evils of his four in a bed example. Who talks Charlie into drinking fizzy lifting drinks? Who encourages Charlie to belch? Who has a guilty look on his face when Mrs Teevee complains "Someone is touching me!" Who constantly builds up Charlie's hopes even when Charlie's mother asks him not to? Who says "If Sluggworth wants a sizzler, then he'll get one."
****
From: Amy
Date: October 8, 2003
Subject: Re: New website
Yeah. Nurturing grandpas who are the only male role models in the lives of angelic little boys really are the face of evil. I'll give you some of the (harmless! playful!) potential Breach of Contract stuff at the Wonka factory, but there was no inappropriate touching in that story! Well there may have been some inappropriate touching in the bed with the four people, but I'm sure it was circumstantial.
Amy
I'm calling Dept. of Senior Services
about this whole four-in-a-bed thing, Grandpa Joe
From: troy
Date: August 6, 2003
Subject: let's fun men thing
amy,
what's the dilly with you and johnny depp? i think you were separated at birth. here is some evidence.
troy
****
From: Amy
Date: August 8, 2003
Subject: Re: let's fun men thing
Well that's one I have not heard before. Now I'm going to feel stupid next time I fawn over how gorgeous he is, but thanks!
Amy
From: Drone
Date: August 1, 2003
Subject: Feeling Sad
Dear Amy,
I got my feelings hurt today. My web site was recently labelled "boring unimaginitive pedestrian shit". I'd have taken the hit on all those except "unimaginitive". I think the idea of asking chicks to pose nude was at least somewhat creative. I guess I'm just overly sensitive sometimes. The guy who said it just kept beating on me and I kept arguing until I finally realized he was a troll and I'd fallen for it, which made me feel stupid.
****
From: Amy
Date: August 3, 2003
Subject: Re: Feeling Sad
Hi Drone,
People can be so insensitive to the feelings of porn traffickers, can't they? If you really want to get your feelings hurt, you should put an unairbrushed photo of yourself in a camisole on your home page, get yourself on the news a few times and then see what 11-year-old girls in ballet chat rooms have to say about you. Being called unimaginative will seem like a money shot.
Amy
From: rin tin
Date: July 11, 2003
Subject: guys you'd be with in a minute?
Peter Jennings? Really? Is it the fame and fortune or his voice? No kidding?
Ok, then I want Barbara Walters......
****
From: Amy
Date: July 14, 2003
Subject: Re: guys you'd be with in a minute?
Dear rin,
My thing for the Jen Man is almost purely physical, well, plus he's smart. Do you think he writes and researches his own stories? I wonder what he's wearing right now? Anyway, I think Barbara Walters is an excellent choice for you. You seem like a very upstanding young man/woman and I'm sure she's be just thrilled to hear that you are interested in her. Really.
Amy
From: spanky1
Date: July 7, 2003
Subject: seattle dating
Are there even 50 guys up there? you may have to branch out a bit. like the tri cities or yakima. What about Canada? there has to be a bunch of lonely guys up there.
****
From: Amy
Date: July 14, 2003
Subject: Re: seattle dating
Dear Spanky,
Hmmm. There are 50 guys up here as far as I can tell, but maybe not 50 guys who haven't heard of me or been warned already. You may be onto something with this whole Yakima idea… Kyle McLachlan is from there, and I like him. I hadn't thought of having to leave the country to get dates, but am looking into flights to Toronto immediately.
Amy
From: karl
Date: June 30, 2003
Subject: money slaves
Hi Amy--
nice site. If you're interested in money slaves, let me know. karl.
****
From: Amy
Date: June 30, 2003
Subject: Re: money slaves
Hey!
I am always interested in men who get their twisted kicks by giving me money for no reason. Sadly, I think the real sexual thrill for a money slave is offering to give money and then running away, which is what happens every time someone emails with the subject line "money slaves." Please do not be like those other so-called slaves, karl.
Amy
From Fireman of Croatia
Date: May 13, 2003
Subject: Please help!!
Hi Amy!! I have a question to ask??? I met this girl I worked with we started hanging round together and we would see lots of each other, then one night after drinking wine till 3 in the morning and massaging her I asked If I could kiss her and she said no that we are friends!! The weird part is any other girl at this stage it would of been done we would of been together, she had said that I was more than a friend, then I asked if you could see something in the future with us and if not tell me now if you are not attracted and we could just be friends( I like her company as a friend) but she couldent give me a answer. Now we dont work together anymore but we hang out as much, Am I wasting my time persuing this?
from Please help!!
****
From: Amy
Date: May 19, 2003
Subject: Re: Please help!!
Hi! Wow. Well the first thing I need to ask is do you have the phrase "consider the source" in your country? You read my web site and yet you're coming to me for relationship advice? Second, I think it may be a good sign that she couldn't give you an answer, because when I'm turned off completely by someone -- well, there isn't a lot of wine and massage at 3 a.m., for starters -- but I also say so in so many words. A lie like, "No, I have a boyfriend. He's a pro-wrestler and psychotically jealous when other guys even look at me. He sent a guy to the hospital for asking 'paper or plastic?' once," usually does the trick. I think you still may have a chance. More importantly, though, are you really a Croatian fireman, because I'm picturing that guy from ER. (I can't watch the show because of the blood, but I do watch the credits religiously and he is smokin'.) If this is the case, then forget this chick and go wake up one of the other women sleeping outside your doorstep.
Good luck!
Amy
From: Kurt
Date: April 27, 2003
Subject: French Amy
Amy from France is, of course, suspect, since she's from France and probably dates French guys. I think that's why she told you to cast your net further - if all you could find locally were French guys, you'd be looking further too.
And no, this isn't anti-anti-war sentiment - I've actually known a few guys from France and more than a few Francophones from Montreal (not quite the same, but yikes!) and I wouldn't want to be a woman faced with choosing one of them to date/marry/whatever.
****
From: Amy
Date: April 29, 2003
Subject: Re: French Amy
Amy from France pointed out that she is married, which I think makes her an authority on all this? All I could think when she told me to cast my net wider was how much wider can I go than the whole frickin' Internet, but I didn't want to say anything because you know how sensitive the French are. I do have to say that I'm wondering, Kurt, how many French guys you've actually dated? (And do we have to call them Freedom guys, now?)
The American Amy
From: Amy (France)
Date: April 5, 2003
Subject: Amy, too
I fell on your site because I googled myself and found...you.
My opinion :
is that you are looking in a small pond, and that you must really widen your search.
you are making more money than you say.
your site is somewhat decent in relation to the times we live in. it's funny.
you don't really want to get married.
this is movie material, and you'd rather sell rights for a film.
dating gets you no where, really, didn't anyone tell you? Could you be serious to think that this is the way people get married? Dating is not a road that leads to happiness, it'll lead you to great fun, confusion, waste time, and worse (not in that order). Maybe in some ways better than getting married.
real men hate dates and don't do them.
At your age, girl, thought you'd have figured that out, people get married from having experiences together, no date will bring you close to Mr. Right (does not exist), this is a ridiculous hypothesis that you believe in. Do some research into science not math to find Mr. Right, it's physics not numbers that count.
Amy, too
****
From: Amy
Date: April 19, 2003
Subject: Re: Amy, too
Ah, my little Doppelganger. I don't know why, but I haven't been able to get your letter off my mind. It hit the perfect pitch of condescension and beauty. How very French of you! When you said you Googled yourself and found me, well… if any of my dates said that to me I'd stop my search right now.
Being an American, therefore not gifted in the ways of love, I did not know that real men don't date. Thanks for clueing me in. Where were you last October when I started this ordeal?
I have to set you straight on one huge error you made, which can only be explained by our cultural differences: I am not making more than I say. In this country it is very uncool to not be making much money. Believe me. And from your keyboard to god's ear on the film deal, Cherie.
You made up for everything with this line, which may mysteriously appear in my book: "Do some research into science not math to find Mr. Right, it's physics not numbers that count." I suspect you meant chemistry, not physics, but whatever.
The Other Amy
From: Kevin
Date: April 3, 2003
Subject: Dating Amish
You do know that it's widely rumored that Amish girls never wear underwear, right? My father-in-law is a cop in Indiana (Amish country) and the cops there all swear it's true. They get very excited when there is an incident involving Amish women. The strangest thing to find out is that a lot of Amish men "drive" drunk, they're wasted and driving their horse and buggy. Most of the time it works out okay, but every once in a while things go horribly wrong (pretty much like drunk driving a car).
****
From: Amy
Date: April 3, 2003
Subject: Re: Dating Amish
Does everything connected to this web site have to degenerate into panty talk? What sort of police incident involves Amish women -- indecent exposure (i.e. not wearing a bonnet)? I heard that about drunken buggy accidents -- there is actually a cautionary film called "Dirt Roads of Agony" that would scare the black socks off even the most reckless Amish teen.
Amy
From: Jean-Paul
Date: April 3, 2003
Subject: 1st of April
I read your story about being Amish and being dated by an Amish guy. Be careful that it might happen to you. These guys are serious about flirting. You might end up in church before you understand what is happening.
Kind regards,
Jean-Paul (Paris)
****
From: Amy
Date: April 3, 2003
Subject: Re: 1st of April
Hi Jean-Paul!
I didn't realize Amish men were such smooth talkers. Thanks for the heads up, though (that's American for warning). I was reading that Amish marriages happen fast, and only in November. I'll be sure to watch my wine intake between now and then especially if any plain men approach me with a sort of Joey Tribiani-esque "How thee doin'?"
Amy
Date: March 11, 2003
From: Kris
Subject: The Wrong Coast
I think you need to arrange some dates in the midwest. All these west coast guys are too weird. You need a good farm-grown boy who knows how to treat a lady. It's no coincidence the number of times you see some farm kid marry the beautiful princess (Dream House, Jack and the Beanstalk, Princess Bride, Smallville, etc). Why if I were 10 years younger, and single, and grew up on a farm...
****
Date: April 1, 2003
From: Amy
Subject: Re: The Wrong Coast
Kris,
Did Jack and the Beanstalk even have a girlfriend? I remember a giant and a goose that laid golden eggs, though I don't think he was romantically involved with either? And was he even from the Midwest? Also, I love offers from men who know they will never have to deal with me -- you're married, live nowhere near Seattle, etc.
Thanks for nothing,
Amy
From: Rob
Date: March 26, 2003
Subject: greetings from the warfront
Hi, just wanted to drop you a line. I am out and about on the warfront doing my duty. I know you probable don't agree with what's going on in the world, but I have to do what I have to do because I love my country. When I get a chance, I will write you again some more. We are getting ready to head on out here, so I will talk to you later on.
-Rob
p.s. don't worry about the job market, almost every war is followed by a market boom. It might take a year or two, but the billions spent starts to come back. Why do you think Clinton stayed in office for so long :-).
****
From: Amy
Date: March 26, 2003
Subject: Re: greetings from the warfront
Rob!
Wow! As you know I am normally sassy and of course against any sort of war, but I'm so flattered to get a letter from the front lines (and not those crappy back lines like the other Internet panhandlers probably get letters from).
Can you send pictures or give a description of a day in the life of a soldier? Please include details about any food or beverages consumed and any funny/embarrassing things the other soldiers said. I will put them on my site!
I want to state that I am NOT against any of the people actually fighting the war, but only have issue with a certain Commander in Chief. I will call him Commander in Chief Guy to keep him anonymous.
Thanks for the kind words about my future work situation and the dig at Clinton, who of course I love.
Take good care and come home soon!
Amy
From: The mailroom chicks at the Bad Girl's Guides
Date: March 5, 2003
Subject: datingamy.com
Oh Amy…
You have truly earned the bad girl label. Good for you for owning your power. Hope you find your Mr. Right or a few Mr. Right Nows.
****
From: Amy
Date: March 20, 2003
Subject: Re: datingamy.com
Thanks so much! I guess I'm living proof that you can have a totally sexless web site and still be considered "bad".
Amy
From: Charles
Subject: Gastrointestinal editing
Good morning, Amy
I realize it is not easy to maintain a journal that reads with much, if any, continuity. However, I can only take so many descriptions of this meal or that bartender before losing interest. I'd even think you might be a really nifty person to date, but who knows? My feeling (and please, feel free to debate me openly or otherwise) was that there was a lack of substance, a void of meaningful conversation, no insight into your personality.
Could I do better? Of course not; the world's a critic. Would I like to see you succeed? Certainly, and I wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Charles
****
From: Amy
Date: March 20, 2003
Subject: Re: Gastrointestinal editing
First of all, nice punctuation, baby. Ya single? Seriously, whatever would lead you to believe that talk of bartenders and food is not a big glimpse of my personality? Last night I was snacking on creamy Caesar salad with tender broiled chicken, sipping a chardonnay and telling the rilly cute barkeep that I hate it when persnickety people email me to complain about my content! I mean, really. How much more can I reveal? You already know I drink alcohol and eat poultry, for god's sake.
Amy
From: Matt
Date: February 25, 2003
Subject: none
Hey Amy, Matt here...
I would definitely send you some cash for a little personal nude pic. Even just a topless pic with those great breasts. My wife and I think your site is great. Let us know what you think about a topless pic....$50.00 for it???
Matt and Susie
****
From: Amy
Date: March 3, 2003
Subject: Re: none
I always think it's so nice when couples have shared interests. It sounds like you have at least two things in common. How sweet!
Amy
From: Dana
Date: February 25, 2003
Subject: Go for it!
~Amy~
As I was reading your E-Male, I came across Robert's responses, he sounds like he would take care of you and be there for you. Girl you need to go for it. Hell, what do you have to lose. You won't have bills to pay, rent to pay and damn you can even have a kid for $10. If I would have ran across him somewhere I would have snatched that shit up.
Good luck in your search to happiness.
~Dana~
****
From: Amy
Date: March 1, 2003
Subject: Re: Go for it!
Dana!
Am I the only woman who's not taken in by the old "Stick with me and you can have a baby for $10" line? I'm guessing that around about the 40th hour of excruciatingly painful labor, the fact that it's only costing $10 won't make a whole hell of a lot of difference.
Good luck to you, too, Dana, and may all your births be cheap.
Amy
From: Andrew
Date: February 16, 2003
Subject: hi
Amy,
how's it going. i thought for sure you would have gone on a Valentine's date, but nothing on the site... Maybe the country's "high alert" status has you re-considering this whole dating thing. hope you're doing okay.
take care
Andrew
****
From: Amy
Date: February 16, 2003
Subject: Re: hi
Hi Andrew,
Yes, that's it. I was dateless on Valentine's Day for political reasons. I didn't want to take even a few hours away from my focus on the situation in the Middle East to go out to dinner. I'm part of the whole No Dates for Peace movement. Thanks for asking.
Amy
From: Robert
Date: January 27, 2003
Subject: the military and the internet...
Dear Amy,
I apologize for taking so long to write back to you, I have been TDY (temp. duty) in Atlanta for the past few weeks. Nothing too exciting, I just attended a conference on Information in the Battlefield (how to set up communications and stuff like that).
Nothing too exciting here either. I tried to rent Tadpole and a few other movies that are DVD-only. I just came home since I have VHS. It's the end of an era.
I wanted to let you know that if we ended up together you would qualify as the spouse of an active duty military person and a ton of benefits. For example, you don't pay sales taxes for anything on base. Also, if you lived on base, you get a free house with all bills paid. The only thing you pay for is phone and cable. You would also be completely covered medically as well. A trip to the dentist would only cost about 5 dollars, and it would cost 10 dollars to have a kid (that pays for the paperwork).
What kind of stores do they have on base? Are there nice cocktail lounges, and would I qualify for a tab at any? It would cost $10 to have a kid? Are they going to compensate me for any wear and tear on my body?
Hopefully this e-mail has convinced you enough that maybe an military man is right for you. Take care.
-Rob
God's truth? George Bush has convinced me that a military man may be the only man right for me, as he potentially waltzes us into WWIII.
Let's keep in very close touch,
Amy
From: Patrick
Date: January 20, 2003
Subject: My dating stories
Hi Amy,
When I first arrived in Australia, I met a woman and took her out to dinner to a nice restaurant. The next day she called me and told me a weird thing.
I had mentioned that I was in the process of buying a fridge and other household items for myself here. She said that she had bought a new fridge 6 months ago, but there was a double door model for $2000 that she really wanted. She wanted me to buy her the $2000 one and she would give me her fridge (a normal one).
Needless to say, I didn't see her again. I guess she thought I was rich or something, which is odd because I don't even have a car.
Another thing about dating when you get older is dating someone with children. I offer to pay for babysitters. I think that it is only fair. But I have no clue as to how much they cost. I assume that she will tell me how much she needs. One date wouldn't cough up a number. I guessed $50. My sister (a single mom with 3 kids) told me that I was ripped off. I'm not going to argue over $50. If that is what she thinks she needs for a sitter, then fine. If she wants to make profit on it, then she risks losing me for any more dates.
****
From: Amy
Date: January 27, 2003
Subject: Re: My dating stories
Patrick!
You seem really sweet and generous (read: naďve). Too bad you don't live in this country! Two grand for a fridge? I think you may be dating someone even bolder than I am.
Hmmm. Buymeapriceyfridge.com? Nah.
Anyway. You're shelling out 50 clams for the babysitter? Maybe I should pretend to have kids… or become a babysitter.
You sound like a great guy. Thanks for all the ideas!
Amy
From: Rojo
Date: January 24, 2003
Subject: (none)
From your picture it looks like you might have a nice rack; just wondering if you would send a topless picture to confirm that? Hey you don't get what you don't ask for, right?
RoJo
****
From: Amy
Date: January 24, 2003
Subject: Re: (none)
Rojo,
No problem! I'm sending a picture off right away. Please let me know if there's anything else I can get you.
Amy
From: Cole
Date: January 17, 2003
Subject: PSYCHODELICATE GIRL COME OUT TO PLAY
Hi Amy,
I'm sending you $5. I made the ultimate geek-sacrifice and sold about 150 Star Trek figures that have been sitting in storage for about 2 years. I also began work on quitting smoking. I have this itchy-itchy patch on my shoulder blade, but thus far it has worked just fine. I am sitting here with my mug of java and (thus far) don't feel the urge to rip off my own lips...
I haven't bought a pack in over a week. I figured money saved, is money shared. You are worth AT LEAST a pack of smokes.
Take Care,
Cole
****
From: Amy
Date: January 24, 2003
Subject: Re: PSYCHODELICATE GIRL COME OUT TO PLAY
Dear Cole,
I know I'm usually a smart-ass, but your letter brought tears to my eyes. Selling Star Trek figurines? And then the part where you said I'm worth more than a pack of cigarettes? I'm not a smoker, but I think that may be the biggest compliment I've ever gotten from a stranger.
Someone just earned himself a picture of me in the Captain Kirk pants from the January 16 Flirt-a-go-go.
Mwah!
Amy
From: cj
Date: January 22, 2003
Subject: Get A Fricking Life!!
If you are back from the peacenik demonstrations in Washington, DC...please open the want ads...look for a job.,..and get a freeking life!!
****
From: Amy
Date: January 22, 2003
Subject: Re: Get A Fricking Life!!
Protest demonstrations! Thank you. I knew I was missing an obvious (and free) way to meet men.
Amy
[This letter, which contained dollars and Starburst-like candy, is from my P.O. Box]
January 16, 2003
Dear Amy,
Here are a couple of bucks, 5 to be exact. We used to be big fans of SaveKaryn.com. We supported her site because we thought it was hilarious. It was a sad moment for us when she paid off all of her debt.
We have been searching the web and reading all the panhandling sites we could get our hands on. Let me tell you, there are a lot of them out there and the majority of them really stink.
We found your link and think that you, too, are hilarious. For this reason, we have decided to adopt you as our new cyber panhandling recipient. We will send you donations and other little treats. You'll never know when they are coming. We mostly send tasty little sweets because our office is loaded with junk food. Hopefully, you're not diabetic.
Have a nice day,
Michelle and Cariane
****
Hi Michelle and Cariane,
Thanks for adopting me! I feel just like the cutest puppy in the litter (or the small, odd-looking one that people take home 'cause they feel sorry for it). If you're looking for a web chick who will not disappoint you by achieving her financial goal, I think you've come to the right place. Yay!
Thanks for the five clams and the no-name candy you took from work. I fondly remember the days when I had an office to steal stuff from.
Cheers!
Amy
From: Jake
Date: January 7, 2003
Subject: the military and the internet...
Hi Amy,
Maybe I should not e-mail you from my govt. e-mail, but what the heck, I just had to comment on your website. I think that it is great. As far as your quest to date 50 men to find the right one, have you ever thought about a military man? You might be pleasantly surprised how useful we can be. Just a thought...Good luck with your site, and look me up if you are ever in Texas...
Sincerely,
Jake
****
From: Amy
Date: January 9, 2003
Subject: Re: the military and the internet...
Hi Jake!
A military man? Hmmm. My politics are normally quite left, but given the current world climate… Let's say we did get together. Would it qualify me for special treatment/rations when we go to war? Please email me at my private address.
Yours (and I may mean that),
Amy
From: John
Date: January 5, 2003
Subject: our date
on our date we'd go to golden gardens and walk along the tracks to the rock sculptures in the water, get tacos at taco del mar, dance at the century ballroom, and dessert at dillitantes. i'd take you to my house and light a fire. i'd play the track list called "SEDUCTION" and bring you to the balcony. you'd look at your watch and thank me for everything. i'd ask what name i get. "Faded Glory Boy," is your reply. "But at least I danced with confidence," I'd say, hoping it was true. I'd take you home and go back dancing.
****
From: Amy
Date: January 5, 2003
Subject: Re: our date
Oh John!
You're so, so wrong… I don't wear a watch!
Amy
From: Susan
Date: January 1, 2003
Subject: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hi Amy!
Your website looks great! Love the new logo and pics.
Yikes that you have a big patent attorney following. They are notoriously known for being cheap! (I'm not kidding!)
Cheers,
Susan :)
****
From: Amy
Date: January 3, 2003
Subject: Re: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Susan,
This is a disturbing new development about the legal profession. Thanks for the heads up (and wouldn't you know!). Maybe this is why my friend Peter the Patent Attorney -- who did not send me a penny, by the way -- is experiencing women not "doing" him on dates.
Amy
From: Jerry
Date: December 26, 2002
Subject: Hey Amy
Hi Amy:
Cool site. I drove 60 miles to Kansas yesterday to get a lottery ticket. I had you penciled in for 1 million, if I would have won. Maybe next time. If I had won, I was going to set up a site to find me a girlfriend (then I saw an article about yours at abc.com, today).
Check you later,
Jerry
****
From: Amy
Date: January 1, 2003
Subject: Re: Hey Amy
Wow! Thanks for thinking of me with the lottery thing. A million dollars is even more than I'm asking for on my site (next time write it in pen and have it notarized, though!). I don't know how things work in Kansas, Jer, but here in Seattle you don't need a dating website to find a girlfriend when you become a millionaire overnight.
Keep buying those tickets!
Amy
From: Peter
Date: December 26, 2002
Subject: You Should Model 50 T-shirts !
Have you been dressing too conservatively on your dates? Maybe the guys don't realize you have such a nice rack, which really shows on that T-Shirt you're modeling.
I find it oddly familiar that you haven't "put out" on any of your dates. I don't feel so bad now about my lack of success with re-entering the dating world as a single parent. Cosmo and those "Ultra-KY" ads on the Today show had me convinced that women were doing everyone in sight except me.
So thanks for restoring my self-esteem. You are a genuine public service.
Peter the Patent Attorney
****
From: Amy
Date: December 27, 2002
Subject: Re: You Should Model 50 T-shirts !
Peter,
If I had a dollar for every guy who comments on my rack… oh, wait, I have a website showing my rack and asking strangers for a dollar. Nevermind. If you're taking your dating cues from KY ads on the Today show (shouldn't you be at work, or are these ads on before work?), I don't even know what to tell you. Glad I can be of service to you, even if I'm not doing so for my dates.
P.S. A disproportionate number of my fans are patent attorneys. It's because you guys are on the Internet while the trial lawyers are getting all the play, isn't it…
Amy
From: Scott
Date: December 20, 2002
Subject: Hehe
I think some of the people that send you e-mail are more mentally ill than the ones you date... Several years ago I had a 24/7 Webcam site in my home.. I learned that there are a LOT of mentally ill people out there that should not be allowed internet access...
Good luck on your "Romance Search 2002"
Scott
****
From: Amy
Date: December 22, 2002
Subject: Re: Hehe
Hi Scott,
I'm glad you think my readers are more mentally ill than my dates… actually, doesn't say much for me either way, does it? I was going to have a 24/7 web cam in my home, but I thought people might get bored watching me checking my email/cooking/staring off into space. Thanks for the good luck wishes, even if they are only for 10 days.
Amy
From: Cole
Date: December 18, 2002
Subject: FECKLESS IN SEATTLE...
Hi Amy,
I have bookmarked your site, and puruse it about once a week, as do my co-workers. I feel that you are discouraged by the amount of hits to your sight versus the amount of donations. What I feel is missing from your site is a goal. Right now your website is sort of based around donations as a form of admission to puruse your dating journal...And I feel that people are primarily treating it (and you) like a free lunch. I am wondering if you cannot set up a financial goal of a certain amount to, say, fund a self-publishing venture... your datingamy insights and annectdotes, a tour book to famous rock-and-roll monuments, a treatise on how to survive the cultural transition of life in California to life in the pacific northwest. Okay, there is my 13 cents.
Good luck, Amy, I am rooting for you.
All the best,
Cole
****
From: Amy
Date: December 20, 2002
Subject: Re: FECKLESS IN SEATTLE...
Cole, Cole, Cole,
Why did you not send me your brilliant insights before the site took off? And why have you not sent me a dollar? You are so right. I am nothing but a free lunch! Your suggestions are quite good, but I'm afraid my readers are like excited puppies who've been allowed to piddle on the floor one too many times. They know they can get away with not sending a dime and I fear it's too late to train them. I don't think adding an independent book publishing goal is going to get people to cough up the cash at this point, but who knows? Okay, everyone: Start sending me cash so I can put my witty anecdotes and observations and rock & roll tour of the world reviews into a book. And I mean now.
Thanks anyway, Cole
Amy
From: John
Date: December 16, 2002
Subject: Eyes blacked out?photo
Saw you on tv and they did not black out your eyes, I am curios why you do it on your website.
John
****
From: Amy
Date: December 18, 2002
Subject: Re: Eyes blacked out?photo
John,
Do you think they should have blurred my face like they do for people in the Witness Protection Program? My dates aren't that bad.
Amy
From: Chris
Date: November 20, 2002
Subject: concerned
Amy--
are the men you date mentally ill? Because some of them seem like they might be.
****
From: Amy
Date: November 23, 2002
Subject: Re: concerned
Hi Chris,
While psychiatric evaluations are not a requirement for dating me, I would say most, if not all of the men I've dated so far are not, I repeat, NOT mentally ill. I think it might be my writing that's making it seem that way? Hey! Maybe I'm mentally ill. That would explain so much…
Thanks for your concern!
Amy
From: Kim
Date: November 5, 2002
Subject: Love your site baybee
Amy-
A friend forwarded your URL to me. You are a fucking genius! Those people at the Seattle Times are clearly halfwits.
Kim
****
From: Amy
Date: November 9, 2002
Subject: Re: Love your site baybee
Thank you for recognizing what certain other parties clearly cannot, Kim! My battle with the Times has truly taken on David and Goliath-like proportions. Except that… did Goliath know who David was? Actually, I was recently mentioned in the Seattle Times, but instead of mentioning Dating Amy, they said I was a "website editor." So, our clever game of cat and mouse continues -- well, not really, since I just mentioned them by name twice.
Amy
The goat in question
From: Ric
Date: November 3, 2002
Subject: goat picture
I'm glad the goat was something you saw on your date and not a picture of your date... I was beginning to think your love life was hitting an all time low.. whewwwwww!!!!!
Ric
****
From: Amy
Date: November 3, 2002
Subject: Re: goat picture
Hi Ric,
Thank you so much for your concern. I'm sure the goat thanks you, too. I think the goat is really cute, but probably not my type. An allergist once tested me and found that goats are about the only animal I'm not allergic to, though. Isn't it weird that they would even test for that? It's not like I grew up on a farm and needed to know which livestock should be allowed on the furniture or something.
Amy
From: goju
Date: October 30, 2002
Subject: your website
you should take the $$$ you get and use it as an initial investment into some jenny craig,or a good pair of running shoes, maybe then finding a date wouldn't be so difficult
goju
****
From: Amy
Date: October 30, 2002
Subject: Re: your website
Dear goju,
First off, though I'm quite nicely endowed, I do not need Jenny Craig, although a new pair of running shoes is a lovely thought and it would be very sweet of you send some to me. Secondly, although you feel free to comment on my site, it is quite obvious that you haven't even read it. How painfully embarrassing for you! It is not hard for me to get dates, but rather the entire content of the site is based upon all of the dates I am getting. Please read my site more carefully in the future. Thank you.
Amy
From: Justine
Date: October 29, 2002
Subject: Fan Mail:)
Hi Amy-
Nice site- I love hearing about your dating life- I was married young and have been out of the game for quite a while. Bummed because I'm trying to live vicariously through you and am bored with the men you're dating, but I will keep checking back. :)
Lotsa Luck-
Justine
****
From: Amy
Date: October 29, 2002
Subject: Re: Fan Mail:)
Dear Justine,
Thanks for your support! I hear you that while the men I'm dating are all very nice, they certainly are no Rivers Cuomo from Weezer. If you would like to, um, send me some men that you find more exciting than the ones I pick for myself, you know where to find me.
Cheers!
Amy
From: Ron
Date: October 24, 2002
Subject: Fish-n-chips
Hi Amy,
I am asking you on date if you are in Western Australia (not just anywhere in Australia). I guess I am what is know as G.U. in the dating world. (Geographically Undesirable) No matter. My offer still stands. Fish-n-chips in Fremantle, the sailing capital of the Southern Hemisphere. I have a beach house on the Indian Ocean here. From my house I can walk down the beach to Fremantle for fish-n-chips and a cold beer. You would like it.
sincerely
Ron
****
From: Amy
Date: October 24, 2002
Subject: Re: Fish-n-chips
Dear Ron,
Thanks for clarifying about Western Australia. I sure wouldn't want you to have to travel to Sydney or someplace that's actually in your own country. Although the offer of fish-n-chips and beer (within walking distance of your house I might add) is exceedingly generous, I checked on airfare to Australia from Seattle, and it's $3,258.23, and that's even with a Saturday night stay. Judging from your letter, I'm assuming I'd be on my own as far as getting to your place from the airport, so that's another $20-$40. Tell you what. There is a Fremantle, Washington and they also have a fish-and-chips place! Could we meet there instead?
Looking forward,
Amy
From: Wick
Date: October 23, 2002
Subject: What date # are you on?
Just be careful of those out-of-work Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, Adelphia guys out there. If they tell you they would like to balance your checkbook, run the opposite direction!
****
From: Amy
Date: October 23, 2002
Subject: RE: What date # are you on?
Yup. Fool me once…
From: Don the Iceman
Date: October 22, 2002
Subject: Suggestion for driving site traffic
Amy,
You could stand outside of the USBank at the corner of Broadway and John with a sandwich board that contains the URL of your site.
Good luck!
Don
****
From: Amy
Date: October 22, 2002
Subject: Re: Suggestion for driving site traffic
I think we both know I'm not above this, Don. I have a dream of someday being able to afford to hire cute girls in shorts to pass out fliers for me. I bet you have a similar dream!
Amy
From: Stevie
Date: October 12, 2002
Re: nice italian
sexy 38 yr old actor/musician Lets; make a date! call me 718-555-XXXX.
****
From: Amy
Date: October 13, 2002
Re: nice italian
Hi Stevie,
You seem really nice and you look like one of the guys from the Sopranos, but unfortunately I don't live in NYC.
****
From: Stevie
Date: October 14, 2002
Re: nice italian
thank you! Fix me up or give my info to any NY ladies that you know.
****
From: Amy
Date: October 15, 2002
Re: nice Italian
Wow, Stevie. It didn't take you long to get over me. May I suggest you try someone from my New York chapter? How about DatingKatrina in Manhattan or DatingClarice in New Jersey? Best of luck,
Amy
Date: October 10, 2002
From: submale
Subject: got my attention
Hi Amy,
part of me thinks what you are doing is brilliant, part of me thinks you're missing an opportunity. my advice, for what it is worth, is that you open yourself up to the possibility of letting men pay for the privilege of serving you. for example, some men wish they could clean apartments or houses of pretty women. let them. make them pay for it. and there is a new breed of men who think being a money slave is exciting. i have a friend who dropped two grand on a stripper because she demanded it. of course, now he's broke and of no use to you but still, there are men like that.
i also want to tell you that i am developing a website that will spotlight women who like to get money for doing nothing more than demanding it. perhaps i can have a link to your site.
sincerely
the submale
****
Dear monkey sub,
I'm as excited as your friend with the stripper must have been! Men who will give me money to clean my house? Money slaves? Is there a newsletter? Of course you can link to my site and I won't link to yours. I'm sure my lack of thanks will be enough.
Thrilled,
Amy
Date: October 7, 2002
From: Chuck
Subject: May I mambo to the banana patch?
Dear Dating Amy,
I would like to take you on a date. If you could be a character from Star Wars, which one would you pick, and why? I would like to be C3P0, because he is so suave and debonair. Yeah, if I could be like C3P0 but with say, some of Chewbacca's hair, and Han Solo's fazer-blaster, that would be neato. C3P0 gets all the babes. Do you have a favorite insect? So, please write me back and let me know when you would like to go out on a date. My parole hearing is coming up this week so I expect to be released soon. Maybe sometime in early November?
Warm Regards,
Chuck
****
From: Amy
Subject: Re: May I mambo to the banana patch?
Dear Chuck,
I know I said I'm not going to date guys from the site, but I am penciling you in for the 8th. That will also give me time to prepare for what I'm sure will be some sort of extravaganza with me in a gold bra and braided thingies on the sides of my head. Fingers crossed about your parole!
Amy
Date: October 6, 2002
From: Roger
Subject: sorry…
What if you find a guy that wants to stick around on your 3rd date? Are you gonna be like Ms Bradshaw and move on the date #4 for the sake of the drama? Remember, lady, "Sex In The City" and "Sleepless in Seattle" are just products, succesfully marketted to an audience full of emotionally inadequate people like yourself. As a guy, I'd never wanna have anything to do with someone who's got nothing to bring to the table but her validation needs. How's your nite going?
Roger
****
From: Amy
Subject: Re: sorry…
Listen Rog, you're getting real close to being crossed off my list of guys who I'm going to let date me. Fortunately you redeemed yourself by comparing me to Carrie from Sex and the City and also by asking how my night was going. I didn't think Sleepless in Seattle was that great either. Maybe we can catch a movie together sometime!
Amy
Date: October 6, 2002
From: Don
Subject: (no subject)
I am single and available and 45 years old. I am 6 feet tall and weigh around 185 and have hazel eyes. I have long curly brown hair and a beard. I have an athletic build and stay in shape playing coed softball.
I love to give and receive sensual massages in the nude.
Don
****
From: Amy
Re: (no subject)
Don, is coed softball some sort of metaphor? I'm thinkin' it is.
Amy
